Grey
by Tier K
Summary: "Look Thor, I know you're worried, and sad, and upset, but he'll pull through. Loki wouldn't die that easily." "But he said he was-" Thor's throat constricted, cutting off the rest of his sentence. 'Fine,' he thought. 'He said he was fine.' A short piece inspired by the line "Every suicide kills two people."


**A/N The thought was prompted by the phrase "Every suicide kills two people." With Loki dying like every movie, and always putting up a face of cocky confidence, it seemed applicable. **

**Warning! This story implies attempted suicide. Please don't read if that's a trigger for you. **

**Feedback is much loved and appreciated! Enjoy. :)**

"I'm fine."

The most frequently used lie.

It was one of Loki's favourites.

_Was._

Thor's sigh left him deflated and slumped; a reflection of the weather outside of the corner store overhang.

Sif crossed her arms and leaned back against the grimy wall. "And I'm in love with Frandral. Who do you think you're fooling?"

Thor shrugged and idly swung the flimsy plastic bag in his hand. He said nothing.

With a sigh of her own, Sif pushed off of the wall. "Look Thor, I know you're worried, and sad, and upset, but he'll pull through. Loki wouldn't die that easily."

"But he said he was-" Thor's throat constricted, cutting off the rest of his sentence. _Fine, _he thought. _He said he was fine. _The hospital had called less than twelve hours after Loki had left Thor at his apartment door with a flippant remark and his signature smirk. They had called to tell Loki's last remaining family that he was in critical condition and they weren't sure if he would wake up.

"I know," Sif said, pulling Thor into a tight hug.

"Twice the lethal amount," Thor choked out. He could feel the tears at the corners of his eyes, but he didn't have the energy to care.

"I know."

"Why didn't he tell me that he needed help?"

"I don't know, Thor. I'm sorry." Sif pulled Thor closer. There were no words that could comfort her friend.

"If he'd just…" Thor's shoulders began to shake as the despair finally overcame him. "I should have known."

"No, Thor. There's no way you could have known. This isn't your fault."

"But I'm his brother!"

"Even you don't know everything about him. It's not your fault." Sif insisted. "Come on, let's go home." She steered Thor out into the rain and the two blocks to his apartment. She let them in and sat Thor down on the couch next to the phone where he had spent the past twenty-four hours. She left him there and went to the kitchen to make dinner.

~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~

The darkness reminded him of water. A cold lake at night when the sky held no moon nor stars. Loki reached out in front of him, feeling the lack of anything. He couldn't see his hand, but somehow, he felt he could see the darkness in between. He got to his feet. Or perhaps he was already standing. It was difficult to tell.

Loki moved through the nothing, searching until he came upon something. That something was a memory.

Hazy and faded, an image of his bedroom came into view. The room wasn't the important part. It was the moment that was relevant. The moment when the child realized that he would never be good enough.

Loki walked onwards. Ripples moved around him, half-formed images that pieced together into a broken mosaic of a person.

Though he couldn't feel anything, the nothing around him seemed to grow colder, sharp, almost. The thoughts became a little clearer, a little more cohesive, and Loki began to notice some other pieces, pieces that seemed a little brighter, a little clearer. Pieces that didn't stab into Loki's heart like shards of glass.

_Ah, _Loki thought. _And that is why I am here. _

It was something of a final choice, he supposed. A chance to escape the years and years of hurt.

Or a chance to try again.

~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~ .

It was three in the morning when Thor was snapped from his daze by the ringing of his cellphone. The caller ID indicated it was the hospital. Cold dread gripped his heart, but his hands moved of their own accord to lift the phone to his ear and answer the call.

"Hello?" Thor croaked.

"Thor Odinson? This is Dr. Eir. We're happy to report that Loki Odinson has just woken up. All his vitals are stable, we'll be keeping him here to monitor him for another day or so, but his body handled the toxins remarkably well, and he should be discharged tomorrow. It's a miracle, really."

Thor didn't hear anything else the doctor said. "Thank the Norns," He whispered, his face broke out into a huge smile. "When can I come to see him?"

~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~

The path to recovery would not be easy. The road to anything worthwhile never is. But that road is merely a small stretch of a much larger journey, and that journey is worth taking.


End file.
